


Labels

by SatanWithAHalo



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Eventual Lams, F/M, Fist Fights, Gay John Laurens, Heavy Angst, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Character Death, just wait
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14462724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanWithAHalo/pseuds/SatanWithAHalo
Summary: I forgot how it felt to love. Being alone was an experience, that’s for sure, but was it a good one or a bad one? At Kings High everything has been different. The world is a cruel place… and it is not built to hold on to people like me. The lucky ones find love. I find myself loving straight guys.





	Labels

**Author's Note:**

> This story isn't going to be a happy one, just warning you now.

I forgot how it felt to love. Being alone was an experience, that’s for sure, but was it a good one or a bad one? At Kings High everything has been different. The world is a cruel place… and it is not built to hold on to people like me. The lucky ones find love. I find myself loving straight guys.

Like Alexander. He was popular, handsome but just my luck, straight. All the popular girls wanted to be with him, (yet he dated and is still dating Eliza who is… Average. But don’t get me wrong she is very sweet.) all the boys wanted to be him with an exception of Thomas, James, Charles and most definitely Aaron.

Do you know those kids in the popular group who is the most popular but, doesn’t pick on people? Like when their friends pick on you and they tell them to back off? That was Alexander. Boy next door. Who just happened to live next door.

“Hey freak nice curls, did your mommy curl your hair for you?” and that was me. The freak, easy target and practically an orphan. My father, if I could call him that, is terrible. He is never home for one and is constantly making racist and homophobic comments.

“Nice buzz cut Charles. Looks like you’re balding. Well it was bound to happen eventually.” I stated not looking away from my math worksheet, I was never good in math, I prefer poetry.

I looked up to see Charles standing over top of me. I was against the lockers, as he dragged me up be my T-Shirt.

“What did you say little daddy’s girl?” He said his face looking angrier than I’ve ever seen him and I loved it.

“The only reason I am not slapping you is because I respect our senior citizens.Maybe I’ll donate you some hair.” I exclaimed as I saw him wind back to punch me, but just when he was about to, I kicked him where no man wants to be kicked. Charles Lee punched me in the mouth as he staggered backwards. I bit my lip as the punch connected and I could feel the blood flowing, but I ignored it and prepared for another blow.

Lee began to run at me but was stopped by Aaron before he managed to get close enough to punch me again.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned to see Alexander standing there with a cloth.

“John, right?” He said looking at me with those glossy brown eyes. I stood there in awe for a moment thinking. My breathing was short and I was sweating… I could always blame it on the fight… right?

I hadn’t realized that I didn’t answer him until he repeated his statement. Even then for some reason my brain didn’t process it. “No, I want food.” Apparently was the most logical answer nervous John could come up with.

I one hundred percent will never have a chance with him now… Like I had one in the first place. Well it didn’t matter anyway, he had Eliza, the sweetest kindest girl you will ever meet. “Okay, but what is your name then?”

“John.” He looked at me with a worried expression. “Thanks for the…” Wait what he thought was a cloth was actually a red scarf, well I already started the sentence probably should finish, I thought. “Concern but I am fine.” I said walking away almost crying.

“Hey, John don’t go around picking fights, you have a reputation, don’t ruin it wasting your time on people like Lee. If you’re stuck call me, I’ll help you.” He stated in a kind tone. I didn’t know what I looked like but I was in awe, was he giving me his number? “Here,” he said grabbing the pencil out of my hand and writing a number on my math. “I got you.” Alexander said walking away.

I was so happy that the butterflies in my stomach almost stopped me from realizing the pain from my lip… Almost. It was bloody and it stung. I walked to the boys washroom but before I entered I heard Charles talking to Thomas, who was more popular than me but still not very.

“Yeah, I had him backed against the locker. He looked like a baby about to cry and I threw a punch. Aaron pulled me off him before I could do anything else.” Charles said as if it were true, I had to prove it wasn’t. I stood at the door for a moment when I heard them coming and darted into the boys locker room across the hall.

I waited at the door until their footsteps could no longer be heard,  I turned around and saw a bunch of naked or half naked guys. Oh my God. I stared at them for a moment and remembered, your mouth idiot.

I turned to leave when I heard someone yell something though I couldn’t make out what or who it was. It sounded like a guy, though you never know.

I exited into the hall and entered the bathroom. My lip had stopped bleeding but my shirt and pants were bloody.

I stared at the mirror, who was  **I** , it was a question I asked myself every time I looked in the mirror. I am gay? I’ve met other people who are gay but I never thought I was until I met Alexander of course. I thought I just really liked him as a person. But was it something more?

All I wanted to know was who I am? People say not to label yourself but you are a label wether that label is male, female, gay, straight, bisexual or something more. Funny, kind, cruel.

Or in my case… Freak. It is hard to shake a label. My teacher Mr. Washington said to me once. He was right. This is me, I am a freak. I might as well write on my head and honestly it wasn’t sounding like such a bad idea right now.

Was this just it. Would high school determine my life? Because dear lord I hope not because if that is so than I am so screwed. 

School is almost over, I repeated in my head, it was one of the few things that kept me going throughout the day. Not that home was any better. At least I could leave the house and no one would care.

I could disappear and no one would care. I could move somewhere out of New York and go to Chicago and restart. No Dad, no Charles but also no Alexander…

Class was starting, I had debate. Aaron Burr also happened to have debate which was ironic because he has no opinion whatsoever and goes with the side that will win. He can’t accept losing. Ever since his parents found him he has been the biggest goody two shoes.

I calmly walked to my locker to get my binder. I didn’t know why but all I wanted to do was curl up with my mother and cry. Cry until all my tears were spent. Cry until I ran out of breath. Cry because I was confused. But she’s gone. I never met her, I never got to see her. She left unwillingly and it killed me inside. She died in childbirth, I’m the first and only child she had. Her death was my fault. My Dad never lets me forget it...

I used my binder to cover my bloody shirt, it was at an odd angle but I didn’t care. As for my pants, they were old anyway, plus I could just “borrow” some from my father.

I entered the room and shock fell over my face. There beside my spot was Aaron Burr with a smug smile on his face. He can be your friend at one point and shoot you in between the ribs at another. There is no humanity to him. Scratch that, there is nothing to Aaron.

I silently walked up to him my arms crossed around my binder. I sat down pretending to be interested in a conversation happening on the other side of me.

I turned around as our teacher Mr. Left began his lesson. I couldn’t focus too lost in my thoughts, everything bad that happened to me or my family seemed to be my fault.

“Today we will be talking about an issue in this school,” He said looking directly at me. “We will be talking about whether you should fight back in this situation.”

He began showing us a scene on the board, a man was in a fight with another man, it paused and he turned to us.

“What would you do?” He asked once again staring at me with that you’d better answer look. I slowly raised my hand as his looked calmed down.

“John, tell me your argument please!” He said in a oddly happy tone of voice. I stood up and looked around. All eyes were on me.

“Well when I was in a fight, the man will never give you a break or mercy. If you are getting in a fist fight with this person they’re probably terrible and show  **NO** mercy.” I stated, Mr. Left’s eyes were wide and surprised. “By the way I suggest fighting back before you are already lost. Thank you.”

The whole class was in awe, their mouths open and their eyes wide. Mr. Left was silent for a moment and then snapped back into reality.

“Uhhhhh, would someone else like to state an argument?” He asked his voice just barely shakey.

Aaron’s hand rose up, not at all shaky and his smile was back again. He looked at me and his smile grew wider, but it was not a friendly one.

“Johnathan that was a good try, but here is what you call a  **good** argument.” He stated in a voice that made me sick. “If I had gotten into a fight  **I** would try to apologize. It takes two people to start a fight.”

“Ya and takes one to end it!” I exclaimed as the whole class began to laugh.

“John to the office.” Mr. Left said in a stern voice, I never really liked him anyway. Always siding with the brown nosers. I got up pushed my chair in and I walked to the door respectfully, before slamming the door that is.

Walking to the office wasn’t that bad, as for my reputation. What would Alexander think? I couldn’t change anything now so might as well swim down. It was quiet in this side of the school.

I continued walking and I was three doors down from the office, as I walked in I saw Alex sitting in the chair beside the door.

“Hey-y John um.” Alexander said clearly looking nervous. But why?

“Hi. Why are you here though?” I asked, probably looking concerned. I gave him a closer look and his nose… It was bleeding. “What happened?!”

“Well Thomas and Lee were walking in the hall and they were talking shit about you. So I held him to it, well he had some other ideas.” Alexander exclaimed looking at me with a kind smile.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I stated sitting beside him looking off into space, my mind buzzing. We sat there in silence for a moment when Alex finally broke it.

“Yes, I did. My friends aren’t always so friendly, they should be and I felt terrible.” He said looking up at me. All I wanted to say was, I love you. But how could I be sure that I really liked him? What if I just really liked him as a person? Too many questions and still not enough answers.

“Thank you. Really, thank you.” I stated, still looking down at my hands as I spoke. I closed my eyes and thought of everything I had been thankful for. By far this was the thing I was most thankful for. The office smelled of old lady perfume and was grey. Just dull. Dull.

“Mr. Laurens come in.” Said Mr. George the Principal of Kings High, he thought so highly of himself, it made me feel sick. As I walked up to the door of his office I looked back at Alex and gave him a scared looked.

“Mr. Laurens have a seat.” He said in a low stern voice as he sat down on his chair. I sat down putting my binder underneath the chair. “So what are you in for?”

“I was in debate class and I made an argument. Aaron Burr said it takes two to start a fight and I said it takes one to end it.” I said rolling my eyes, slumped back in my chair. All of the sudden he started laughing.

“That’s it?” He exclaimed still laughing. “Young man go home, no punishment required. Next time be careful with your choice of words.”

“Thank you Mr. George and I will.” I said walking out of his office confused. I closed the door behind myself and turned to see an empty chair where Alexander was sitting.

I skipped outside gleeful yet still confused. It was warm with a cooler breeze hitting me. I looked around the bright sun shining down on me, everyone getting into the cars with their parents. I couldn’t ever.

I couldn’t bare watching these people with parents who support them and love them, but it isn’t their fault their parents wanted to stay with them. It was mine for making the parent alive hate me.

So I walked. I walked to the house that I couldn’t call a home. I walked down the long Street and crossed over onto the sketchy street where I live. Most people call it thug street because of all the old abandoned houses.

My house… My living space, was at the edge of the street. My lawn was unkempt, the house made of dirty old bricks and a ugly yellow doorway. My whole house looked as if a explosion had gone off, bricks were missing in certain spots exposing drywall.

I strutted up to the steps. They probably could no longer hold my weight though I was only about 100 pounds.

I carefully stepped onto the fragile steps, they creaked under my feet as walked up to the deck. I could see the neighbours glaring at me, they hated me but, not as much as they hated my father. My father used to be the brilliant Senator Laurens, it pains me to see how far he’s fallen since then. Now he’s an alcoholic, he’s homophobic, sexist and racist.

I opened the door carefully hoping he wasn’t there, I glanced through the crack of the door to see my father on the couch, beer bottles scattered across the floor.

I tried as hard as I could to avoid to the broken beer glasses all while being silent he probably wouldn’t wake up but it’s better to be safe than sorry.  As my foot brushed over a loose floorboard a loud creaking sound echoed through the house. My heart sank into my stomach, would he awaken? My breathing was laboured as if I had run a marathon.

I held my breath for a moment and continued up the stairs. I went past the bathroom and to my small, dark, cold room. My room was painted light blue from when I was born, I had the same bed, with the creaky mattress since I was six. The same sadness still hung in the air, it was so thick you couldn’t even cut it with a knife.

Dust covered most of my things, they were toys from when I was younger, the only thing that I didn’t allow the dust to touch was my ninth grade year book. It was the year I felt confident enough to ask Alexander to sign it.

I walked to the creaky bed and plopped myself onto it. I closed my eyes, waiting, waiting for what though? The answer to all questions that floated all around me.

Sitting there was peaceful, soon my father would wake and the peace would be torn into bits. The soothing silence was broken a moment later as my father yelled.

“John, where you, ya little idiot!” He yelled so loud that it could knock down the house. I stood up and just slowly walked around in circles. I paced and paced. “John I know you’re there, don’t make  **me** go up there!”

“I-I am coming.” I said in a almost robotic voice, as I slowly and lightly walked down the broken, wooden stairs. “What do you need father?”

“Clean up these bottles young man! I bet no other kids trash their house well their dad is sleeping!” he said in a rude tone, I have learned from multiple occurances to just agree with him. The last time I didn’t it didn’t go well.

“I am sorry.” I said looking down too ashamed to look up at this man whom I am forced to called father. He wasn’t my father, he was terrible. I bent down to clean the mess that…  **I** made. 

I picked up the broken glass pulling the garbage can closer to me so I could dump the glass. As picked up a sharp little piece of glass I cut myself, my finger bled. Since my father never went to the store we didn’t have bandaids, I had to suck on it.

Once I was finished I headed back up to my room, when I got a text. It was funny how I still have a phone, it was my old friends phone and I mixed my service with my fathers. I can’t over use or he’ll notice.

The text was from a unknown number. It read  _  “Hey John. It’s me Martha! Meet me at the abandoned pool.” _

I looked around, my door was closed, I walked to the door and locked it. I grabbed extra pillows that kept hidden in my closet and shoved them underneath the covers to make it look as if I was sleeping.

I quietly opened my small window and grabbed the drain pipe. The rusty pipe made a terrible squeaky noise. I froze, a moment later I continued closing the thin glass window and I slid down the drain pipe.

As I slid down my shirt caught on a rusty piece of metal tearing it in half. It exposed my stomach and when I made finally made it down the drain pipe that was practically falling apart.

I noticed my shirt, it was showing off my six pack from trying to get on the football team. Even though I was the best one there the other guys managed to convince the coach otherwise.

I looked around to see if anyone was watching me. I turned to see the neighbors out on their porch, that was Alexander’s parents. I dashed into the woods I  _ think _ they didn’t see me, or at least I hope they didn’t.

I turned to see a pair of curtains closing inside Alexander’s house. He couldn’t have seen, that’s absurd.

I continued through the woods, anytime the noise of a twig breaking or trees moving made me flinch. I stepped carefully as if I was walking on thin glass. I dodged every twig and all the mud on the ground.

Some people find the woods eerie or creepy, I find the woods still. It is quiet and everything seems frozen in place. With all the changes in my life this was soothing, it was like the one place that wasn’t chaos, where I was normal.

I stared at the chained fence that surrounded the old forgotten pool covered in leaves and twigs from the fallen trees. The surroundings were, trees and leaves from the previous Fall.

I climbed over the large chain link fence with ease, the fence rattle as I jumped from the top. Suddenly I heard someone say something though I couldn’t tell what or who it was.

“Hello? Who is there? Did you follow me?” I asked trying to keep myself from sounding scared, though I had no idea how I sounded because inside my mind was screaming.

“Yes I did follow you and now I am going to EAT YOU!” A woman yelled as I turned around screaming in a high pitched girly voice. I opened one of my eyes to see Martha standing there laughing.

I began to laugh too even though I was absolutely terrified. “Oh my gosh!”

“You should have seen the look on your face.” she said still laughing. Her laugh was like music, it was so soft and light. She finally stopped when she noticed the tear in my shirt. “What happened? Are you all right? Who did that?”

“I am fine my shirt just ripped going down the drain pipe. Now it is more of a… cardigan.” I said giving a small laugh afterward. She looked at me for a moment before giving me a hug.  

“I miss you. We need to hang out more.” She said hugging me on her tiptoes. She smelled of lavender and buttermilk. “I can barely remember anything about you.” She said jokingly. “But do you know what I can remember?”

“What is that?” I asked pulling out of the hug. Looking into her bright blue eyes.

“I know that you are ticklish!” She exclaimed before tickling me. I ran to the side of the pool, as she came over I climbed down the ladder.

“You’ll never get me!” I yelled running to the other side of the pool. She began to climb down and eventually jump onto the leaf covered ground.

"I’ve got you now!” Martha said in a fake southern accent. She pretended to be a cowgirl and made her hand into a finger gun.

“You’ll never get me!” I yelled pretending my hand was a gun as well. I ran toward her my steps echoing off the pools walls. I picked Martha up and spun her around, despite our similar height.

We were laughing together when all of the sudden she kissed me. I froze in shock. I almost dropped her, I slowly put her down.


End file.
